Questions: "Shooting an Elephant" & "Indian Education"

English 1101-09 and English 1101-17 - In-class Assignment - completed Thurs., Sept. 27

English 1101-26 - Out of class assignment, due Tues. Oct. 2nd -- this class meets Tues. and Thurs. at 2 p.m.

Copy and Paste the following questions onto a Word document. Answer each one thoughtfully, in no more than 2-3 well-written sentences.

1. In the headnote to Orwell's essay, the editors of th text observe that, "In 'Shooting an Elephant'  . . . [Orwell] recalls an incident from this days in Burma that clarified his thinking about British colonial rule. In 1-3 sentences explain the concept of British imperialism and how the incident of shooting an elephant affirms Orwell's distaste for British expansion.

2. Does Orwell mean for this essay to inform or persuade his readers? Defend your answerin 1-2 sentences.

3. In what way did the boarding schools established by the "government policymakers" attempt to help Native American youth "assimilate into the dominant culture and thus become 'civilized'" ? 

4. Sherman Alexie's "education" is of two types. Explain.

Examples of Examples

If you made below 65 on your first essay, all is not lost; you may simply have a great deal of learning and work ahead of you. If you made below 65, it could indicate that you may need additional help from a tutor; seek help for grammar, mechanics, etc. from the Academic Resource Center in the library. Pay close attention to remarks made in class and use your book as a resource. 

FYI:  I will never publish an author's name with an example of writing--no matter how good a piece of writing is, no matter how one may need to improve. In either case, identifying the author puts undo pressure on him/her. The point is not who wrote the example used; the point is what was written and how it was written.

Exemplification is critically important because almost every essay in 1101 or 1102 will require specific examples to support the thesis statement. Each example must be detailed, which requires elaboration or explanation and requires a direct connection to the main idea.

The following example focuses on accusation and contains generalizations that could be supported with specific detail, but was not:

Even after all the progress made, the twenty-first century woman still has to deal with job denials because she is a female. A woman or teenage girl has a hard time finding a job because many employers feel as though a female can be forced to quit for many reasons. A female loses job opportunities just because she is able to have children.

Why this doesn't work: The first sentence is a broad statement, an accusation that needs to be followed by specific supporting examples, but the follow up sentences simply says that “a female can be forced to quit for many reasons” and the only specific is that a woman who is able to bear children may lose a “job opportunity.”  If you suggest there are “many reasons” then give them and make them accurate and specific. Refer to examples from people you know or from historical examples. You need not do research, but you DO need to do more with generalizations, and you need to fully explain the examples you choose, especially in dispelling or disproving stereotypes.

The following example succeeds in providing adequate explanation and proves an effective point:

While it is not viewed as less politically correct to openly state that one believes women have certain roles in society and should not ventures away from them, the message that it is acceptable to treat women with inferiority is still finding its way into modern society. A prime example is the recent, critically acclaimed book series Twilight. In these books, the vampire, Edward Cullen, seems to embody the idealistic boyfriend. The readers of this saga seem to place Edward on a pedestal, even though he possesses very dangerous characteristics. The main character and narrator, Bella, falls in love with Edward even though he is the main source of her abuse throughout the series. He shows extreme possessiveness. He takes actions such as removing Bella’s engine from her car to keep her from visiting her friend, Jacob. He even plays the role one might find of man in a relationship with a woman who has Battered Wife Syndrome—he will treat her with extreme emotional neglect at times (leaving her alone and removing himself from her life completely) and in later passages will apologize and state how much he loves her and does not want to lose her. These patterns and characteristics match up with that of men who take on the “traditional” role of men in relationships—who belive they know what is best in any given situation and who believe any woman in a relationship with them should submit to what they say and be available at their request and convenience.

WHY THIS PARAGRAPH WORKS: The topic sentence is strong and explains what the reader can anticipate—and the writer follows through.  The writer use an example that most readers could identify with,  but takes into account that some readers may be unfamiliar with the characters and so identifies who Edward and Bella are before launching into a full explanation of the example. The write says that Edward “shows extreme possessiveness” and goes on to give an example to support this statement. The writer further explains the emotional abuse inflicted on Bella. 

Another example that works:

Hard work and perseverance are the building blocks of America. We would be nowhere if our founding fathers had a laissez-faire attitude and lazy work ethic. My friend Ken owns his own business and struggles monthly to stay afloat financially. Amazingly he keeps at it and works just so that he can pay his bills in these hard times. Over the last decade, the government has made it easy for people to survive without having to work for a living, because welfare pays for all of the their necessities. Our county as not founded on the principle of welfare, though it was founded on hard work. Ken doesn’t get a welfare check or file bankruptcy because times are hard right now. He uses savings and liquidates assets to so that he can keep the business that he created, and loves, afloat. He has taught me over the years that no matter what happens, to work hard and you will persevere. Our county would be stronger if we had more hard working people like him. Ken’s hard work and unwavering commitment to what he has makes him a positive example of an American.

If you want to make an “A” you must write well and develop your ideas.  It MUST be a successful combination.

UPDATE TO SYLLABUS

Please refer to the first post on the blog; there has been an update to the syllabus.

Since we are only now finishing the first essay, rather than the second, expect to eliminate the cause/effect essay. We will re-direct our focus to continuing to read essays and look ahead to the next essay:  the comparison/contrast essay.

Also, expect short reponses to the essays assigned to be read. We may not always have time to discuss them as fully as possible in class, but these still provide excellent examples of how a "good" essay is written. Many of these essay also ask you to consider views not wholly like yours and offer new perspectives for you, as a student, to consider. All the more reason to read them thoughtfully.

On Week 6, Day 2, you need to be sure to have read "Indian Education" and "Shooting an Elephant." 
We will have no less than 2 questions from each essay and no more than 4 questions from each essay that you will answer. Questions will focus on the background provided in each headnote, the content of the essasy and the style, structure, purpose, audience of the essay.

Seeing Stars

Daily Assignment: Peer Review - An Explanation of Grades

It should go without saying that the two most important policies, common sense and courtesy, are key to succeeding in this assignment. You need both. You need not have a master's degree in English to tell whether a sentence makes sense, whether an essay "flows" smoothly, whether an author has supported a main idea with strong, definite examples.  What you do need is a willingness to focus thoughtfully on someone else's words and to offer comment on the writing skill demonstrated in the essay. You need NOT agree with their method of opening the essay; you need NOT agree with their opinion presented in the essay; you NEED to look only at the author's skill and ability to present his or her ideas directly, clearly, in an organized fashion, in strong, complete sentences. The ultimate goal in reviewing someone else's paper is to make you more aware of YOUR OWN PAPER.  Failure to respond carefully in peer review is failure to understand your own potential errors.

 






Your comments seemed thoughtful, conscientious, and, most of all, helpful to the writer. Whether he/she agree with your comments or not, the effort on your part in reviewing this paper could also be transferred to your paper as you proofread and revise. It seemed clear that you were concerned with the skill of the writing, whether you agreed or disagreed with the writer. Your effort demonstrates your seriousness to this class, and, if I were your peer, I would value your opinion.

 Your comments demonstrate effort and could be very helpful to the writer. You may not yet be accustomed to evaluating writing or you may be hesitant in offering comment, but your effort in reviewing someone else's paper will make you more aware of your own writing. Time may have run out before you finished your comments, but your skill as a critical reader should continue to improve, as long as you continue to read and respond critically, as you did in these comments. You did a good job. If I were your peer, I would be interested in what you would have to offer.

Your comments were considered and thoughtful, even though you might not have always been sure of yourself. You offered serious comment, worth the writer's time and worth the critical effort you put in. You need to continue to read and consider everything you read, whether written by a peer or a professional. Trust that you have the capability to determine if something is well written and that you can determine why it is or why it is not. This is difficult and will take practice, but will ultimately be worth your time, as it will begin to reflect better writing on YOUR part. You did pretty good with this peer review; I think, if I were your peer, I'd like to know what you think.

Perhaps time ran out on you; perhaps you did not feel competent in offering commentary on this paper; perhaps you were having a bad day. There could be a number of reasons or a number of excuses why your comments may not have been helpful to the writer. You can improve the quality of the comments you offer, if you invest more effort in the paper, even if the paper is not especially good. The point of offering commentary is not simply to help the writer, but to help yourself, as well. It is a challenge sometimes to read and review a paper, but as you analyze an essay, it gives you practice in what you could also look for in your own paper. Chances are you have more to offer than you realize, but it was not demonstrated on this review. You'll do better next time.

Looking over your comments revealed little effort and failed to demonstrate your engagement with this assignment. The writer will likely not be able to grow or develop his work or skill from the comments you did offer. One has to wonder if you would want a review as limited as this one seems to be.  This is a poor job on this assignment and the writer may have felt frustrated, as I likely would have, if this is the only feedback you could offer.

Assignment for Week 6, Day 1

All reading assignments can be found in BOTH the 11th ed. and the 12th ed.  Check your book's Table of Contents for page numbers.

Between essays, we will be reading many of those in your book. For Tuesday next week:

"Indian Education," and "Shooting an Elephant" -- Obviously, we need to discuss the content of the essays, but remember that the point of reading these is also to examine how the essay is put together. How does the author convey his ideas. Is the essay written typically--or atypically? If it is written atypically, WHY did the author choose that manner of arrangement?

Be prepared to discuss the 3 questions under "Reading Literature" for the essay by Sherman Alexie and questions 2 & 3 under "Purpose and Audience" and 1-3 under  "Style and Structure" for the essay by Orwell. 

NOTE: you are not being asked to write the answers to those questions, but be prepared by being ready to discuss them

Expect to write a paragraph in-class concerning a topic from one of these essays.

Rubric for Essay #1

Please note: The rubric is set up on a "table" format in MS Word and does not conform to blogspot. However, consider it carefully, since this is the basic criteria for grading your first essay.

Criteria                              Points Thesis Statement 20 pts. 0-5 pts. - There is no discernible thesis statement 6-10 pts. - Thesis statement is weak, poorly focused, and poorly placed 11-15 pts. - There is a thesis statement, but lacks force. 16-20 pts. - Forceful, deliberate, strategically placed statement. MLA Format, Grammar, Spelling, Mechanics—Tense and Person 30 pts. 0-10 pts. – MLA format has not been followed; work has five or more spelling errors and/or serious grammatical errors; there are tense shifts or agreement errors either in subject/verb or pronoun/antecedent; vague pronoun reference may be a problem; incorrect or wrong word may have been used. 11-20 pts. – MLA format has been used, but presentation has three or more spelling errors and/or serious grammatical errors; there are tense shifts or agreement errors either in subject/verb or pronoun/antecedent; vague pronoun reference may be a problem; incorrect or wrong word may have been used. 21-25 pts. - Presentation has no more than two misspellings and/or grammatical errors; it is consistent in tense (for the most part) and there are no errors in agreement or word usage. 16-30 pts. – Presentation has no misspellings or grammatical errors; it is consistent in tense, with no more than one or two minor imperfections of flaws Examples, Content  & Knowledge 25 pts. 0-5pts. – Student does not understanding or have grasp of essay concept; does not have adequate detail or information for examples used. The few examples that are present are not directly related to the thesis statement 06-10 pts. - Student is uncomfortable with content and is able to write only minimal information, with little detail.  The work displays details, but these are not always directly, explicitly related to the thesis statement.  Reader is forced to draw inferences which may or may not be correct or accurate  11-15 pts. - Student is at ease with content, but fails to elaborate.  For the most part, details, elaborations, and illustrations of examples are adequate and related explicitly to the thesis statement, 16-25 pts. – Student demonstrates full knowledge of the each example, excellent and abundant  detail, and elaborates fully.  All points and examples are directly, explicitly related to the thesis statement. Organization & Coherence 25 pts. 0-5 pts. - Sequence of information is hopelessly and carelessly mixed creating chaos and confusion in writing. 6-10 pts. - Reader has difficulty following work because the some irrelevant information has superseded significant information 11-15 pts. - Student presents information in logical sequence with information in a coherent order. 16-25 pts. - Information is in a logical, interesting order and sequence, providing coherence throughout paper. There are  no illogical sentences; there are clear transitions with examples in a logical, coherent order. order Total---->

Peer Review for Essay #1

1. Print out your initial final draft of your first essay.

2. Once you have YOUR essay, in hand, highlight the  questions  below for peer review and then copy them and paste them on a new Word document on your computer.

3.  Next . . . once I have all the essays, I will redistribute them, so that you do not get your own paper, but someone else's essay. You will read his or her essay, thoughtfully, at least 2 times. Read the first time to get a general idea of the paper's content.  NEXT: look over the questions on your word document and as you read the paper a second time, answer the questions below as helpfully as possible.

4. Once you have read and answered these questions, print out a copy for the writer AND print out a copy for me.  The first should NOT have your name on it, but DO write your name on the 2nd one that your give me. (YEP--I want to see how thoughtful and how well you read another person's paper; you are hopefully, conscientious and helpful, to the best of your ability.

Writer’s Name & Title of Essay: __________________________________________________________________

1.     Is the introductory paragraph interesting?  Why or why not? What does the writer give you to make you want to continue reading? Can you tell what strategy the writer is using to begin the essay?

2.     Is there a clear thesis statement?  Can you find a sentence (or two) that reveals the writer’s purpose?

  

3.     Write the sentence(s) below that you believe to be the writer’s thesis statement.  If the thesis is implied, state it in your own words below.

  

4.     Do all of the paragraphs contribute to the development of the thesis?  Is it clear to you how each of the paragraphs relate to the process the writer is examining?  Are any of the required steps or stages left out?  Point out any paragraph(s) that you have difficulty relating to the thesis statement or process.

  

5.     Would the essay improve if the paragraphs were arranged differently?  Why/why not?  Note any paragraph that seems out of order.

  

6.     Are the paragraphs connected to one another smoothly and logically?  Are there transitions between paragraphs that help you understand how the writer’s ideas are connected?  Do individual paragraphs seem well detailed?  What suggestions would you make about adding/subtracting specific details?

  

7.     Are all of the writer’s paragraphs unified and coherent?  Indicate which paragraphs have any sentences that seem irrelevant (“unity” concerns) or out of order (“coherence” concerns). 

  

8.     Go back and read the first and last paragraph.  Has the writer fulfilled the obligations he or she established in the introduction?  Does the writer accomplish everything promised in the introduction, or does the essay go off track or seem to switch focus?  Why or why not?  How can the conclusion be improved?

   

9.     Now look at sentences.  Does the writer have sentences that strike you as effective because they include strong verbs, specific details, memorable phrases, or striking images?  Does the writer have any words they repeat too often, use incorrectly, or misspells?  Finally, does the writer have any tendencies for error they should be made aware of? (Think comma splices, run-on sentences, switches in verb tense, etc.)

  

10.  Write a summary comment that explains what you like best about the paper.  Then, describe the two features of the paper that most need improvement.  What suggestion(s) for overcoming these problems do you have?

Comments & Revisions on Introductory Paragraph

In almost every case, an introductory paragraph should consist of more than 3-4 sentences.

Logic follows that body paragraphs should DEFINITELY consist of more than 3-4 sentences.

Thesis statements should be specific, limited, and explicit, which means a thesis should be stated clearly and directly. When you become a reknown author, then you have luxury of being ambiguous, but NOT in English 1101.

Be careful that in disspelling one stereotype, you do not create one--or worse, denigrate someone else.

An outstanding quote that opens an essay needs to be followed up with some development between the quote and the thesis.

Simple Rubric for Introductory Paragraph

The Introductory Paragraph	K-A	Pretty Good	Not Bad	Needs Work	Seriously? L
Grabs the reader’s attention
Uses one of the strategies suggested in the text / notes
Continues to engage the reader’s attention or imagination with additional information; context for the essay or background information is provided as initial development
Thesis statement is explicit, clear and suggests the information to follow in the body of the paper

Essay Abbreviations

There are a number of abbreviations that I use when I grade or comment on essays. Here are the most common. (NOTE: I will undoubtedly add to this list during the course of the semester.)

BW = use a better word
WW = the wrong word has been used; correct it
sp = spelling error
TR = a transitional word or phrase is needed to connect these ideas
S-V agr = an error in subject-verb agreement has occurred; this is a serious error--pay attention to it; if it is repeated more than once in the paper, consider having a tutor proofread your next essay, to look specifically for this error
P-A agr = an error in pronoun-antecedent agreement has occurred; again, pay attention to it; any error in agreement is serious
Vague P-R = an error has occurred in the pronoun reference; the reference is vague, non-specific and must be corrected
TS = an error has occurred in shifting from one verb tense to another; that is, one may have shifted from present tense to past tense in the same sentence or vice versa; verb tenses must remain consistent
CS = comma splice
R-O = run-on sentence
SF = sentence fragment

Notes on the First In-Class Writing

Keep in mind that the in-class writing response counts as a daily grade (so will your introductory paragraph). It will not be representative of your best effort, which should be accomplished in your out-of-class essays.

Keep the following in mind as you compose your first essay:

You must have something to say and you must be able to say it well. -- Which means: your grammar and mechanics, as well as the conventions of writing [example: paragraph formation] must be correct in order to make the meaning become clear.

WORST mistakes to avoid:

Illogical sentences or sentences that are blatantly confusing, that make no sense. Examples:
Before the cell phone you had to reach someone by either telegram or by foot.

Technology has allowed us to go from horse and buggy to motor cars starting in the 17th century.

Avoid using five words when one word will suffice; example: 
replace due to the fact that  with because or since,
whichever is appropriate

Avoid phrases such as: Personally . . . or In my opinion . . .

Avoid using a question as a thesis statement

Avoid beginning a sentence with a conjunction, when two sentences can be combined. 

DO consider combining short sentences.

Avoid contractions or abbreviations in a formal essay; spell out numbers less than one hundred

Avoid ineffective adverbs such as so OR even.  These are effective in conversation because the speaker is able to add an inflection, but they are seldom effective in writing. 

***Although is  NOT followed with a comma!! Example:  Although technologies are becoming convenient, there are detrimental effects as well.

USE A THESAURAS!!  Words such as great, a lot,  are worn out.  Finding a better, more appropriate word is only a right click away!

DO NOT RELY ON SPELL-CHECK  TO GIVE YOU THE CORRECT WORD.  DO NOT RELY ON YOUR HEARING TO GIVE YOU THE CORRECT WORD.  USE THE CORRECT WORD AND AVOID CONFUSION!!  EXAMPLES:

THEN  IS NOT THAN
WORTH WILD IS NOT WORTHWHILE
DEFIANTLY IS NOT DEFINITELY
APART IS NOT A PART
NOW OF DAY IS NOT NOWADAYS
OR IS NOT OUR
FADE IS NOT FAD

An occasional error is not serious; repeated errors are serious.

Assignment for Week 4, Day 1

Assignment:

Select one of the following topics for an essay developed by examples. Once you have made your selection use one of the methods of introduction discussed on pages 53-54 to begin your essay. Make sure your thesis statement is included in the introductory paragraph. Put your introductory paragraph ( which will become the beginning of your first formal essay) in MLA format and be ready to hand in your paper the first day of class next week. Be sure to save your paragraph to your jump drive as either a MS WORD document or as an .rtf  file.

Topics for essay #1 [all topics can be found in the 12th ed.]:

1.  What stereotypes are applied by outsiders to your racial or ethnic group (or to people of your gender, intended profession, or geographic region)?  Write an exemplification essay in which you argue that these stereotypes are untrue and potentially harmful. Support your thesis with passages of narration, comparison and contrast and cause and effect.

2.  Think of some books, films, advertisements, or TV shows that feature characters of your own racial or ethnic group. Write a classification essay in which you discuss the different ways in which these characters are portrayed. Use exemplification and description to explain your categories. In your thesis, evaluate the accuracy of these characteristics.

3.  Using your family and friends as examples, write an essay suggesting some of the positive or negative characteristics of Americans.

4.  Write an exemplification essay discussing how cooperation has helped you achieve some important goal. Support your thesis with a single well-developed example.

5.  The popularity of the TV show American Idol  has revealed once again Americans' long-standing infatuation with music icons. Choose several pop groups or starts, old an new--such as Elvis Presley, the Beatles, Michael Jackson, Alicia Keys, 50 Cents, Beyonce Knowles, Amy Winehouse, Lady Gaga, and Taylor Swift, to name only a few--and use them to illustrate the characteristics that you think make pop stars so appealing.

Week 3, day 2

Lecture Notes from Patterns for College Writing, 12th ed. - pages 51-65; 211-216

* PLEASE NOTE: there will be discrepancies in page numbers as well as content between the 11th and 12 ed.

52 - listing of different types of essays and the pattern of arrangement followed by each

** PARTS OF THE ESSAY

53 - Introduction
53-54 - Different ways of opening an essay--choose one of these strategies to begin your introductory paragraph for your first formal essay:
          a. begin with background information
          b. your own original definition--NOT a dictionary definition
          c. an anecdote or story--such as Steven Johnson used
         d. a question--but ONLY ONE; one strong question that forces the reader to think is better than 3 weak questions; also: a thesis statement should NEVER be a question
         e. begin with a quotation that will be connected to the thesis--as Nicholas Carr did
         f. begin with a surprising statement--as Brent Staples does: "My first victim was a woman . . . "
         g. begin with a contradiction--example: Many people think that after the Declaration of Independence was signed in 1776, the colonists defeated the British army in battle after battle . . . ."
         h. begin with a fact or a statistic

55- What NOT to do in the introduction
          DON'T apologize
          DON'T use a dictionary definition
          DON'T announce what you intend to do
          DON'T wander off topic

Body Paragraphs - Requirements:
55 - unified - note: topic sentences are good ideas, especially for novice writers
57 - coherent - *transitions are essential
     - well developed
58 - effective support
       "real" or concrete evidence -- not generalizations or hypothetical situations
       specific examples that are thoroughly explained
59 - each paragraph must support the thesis

60 - Conclusion
61 - different ways to conclude an essay
62 - What NOT to do in the conclusion

* Weak writers SHOULD use a formal outline

Pages 211-216:

212 - 213 -- What body paragraphs do in exemplification essays

213 -- Planning the exemplification essay
213 -- what the thesis does
214--providing adequate examples that develop ideas & use a fair range of examples
215--Same basic steps of arrangement, but body paragraphs/ examples arranged carefully